World of fantasy

 when will this end, I'm trying everything I could but it's not enough. I'm trying not to complain but I end somehow confessing. I'm following people understanding their way of life and adding in mine but I don't think it's enough to discribe me. Things git set up for me and was labeled as privilege when I didn't even ask about it. I tried to be a person to be looked upon but somehow it never happened. I tried my best by not showing how vulnerable I'm inside but it overflows with tears at night. I tell myself I can do it more then hundred times yet I get scared.is it so hard to understand the feeling of yourself. Every decision I make feels wrong every path feels like it's full of Thorns. All I wanted was someone to understand me is it so hard to do that. I try to open myself up to talk but I'm scared of the outcome I get. Why am I like this, what led me to be this, for how long am I going to be like this. I smile, I laugh, like everyone else. I