World of fantasy

Another new year and here I'm looking outside the balcony, my window near the bed or outside the door. Stars appeared like before, I still search for the one in my dream yet it's ongoing and tiring but I still try. Thinking myself every day. Asking myself I might find him but not a single clue on how much I have found, just some scattered pieces of my dreams that's been long fragmented and half lost what I left is bits of it in my imagination. Looking around or down the balcony seeing smiling faces makes my heart warm but it's still feels empty. Where or who should I watch the fireworks with. Music is all I have imagination is all I can think of and be whatever I feel like to be in my Dreamland. Don't remember the face nor the height just some details insights. Is he real or not wheather he's just my imagination or not I'll still look for you. Should I end my search or go on, everything has it's limits so do I yet I'm still confused if I'm tired ...

Another day has passed while waiting for you to come. Million of faces passed by none were you. Thousands of smiles came but the one I was searching for wasn't there. Many places I've been none had your resemblance. At the end I felt tired and helpless eyes got watery, throat got dry hands got cold, and legs don't even ask. But what I know is even after everything I've done to look for you all I left is the feeling of wind that gave me courage to look back even with a slight chance of seeing you. It's the wind that made me realize that your somewhere near and for I won't stop until I find you.

It's ok to walk and look back and smile, it's ok to stop somewhere to feel the breeze for a short while. It's ok to be not be normal sometimes. Even seasons change and a new day comes. Leaves die and a new sprouts grow. Snows melt into water and evaporates,and turns into rain,and hail. It's ok to cry sometimes without no reason. It's ok to let something you love go. It's ok just be yourself no one will judge. It's ok to not fit with others in a group. It's ok to not be as perfect as everyone. It's ok to let it lose sometimes. It's ok to shout in an open space. It's ok to do what you want. It's ok to have mixed emotions. It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to get hurt. It's ok to be heartbroken. It's ok to be single. It's ok to envy people. It's ok to feel lonely in crowds. it's ok... it's really ok.

Have you ever seen a shooting star and made a wish, I saw stars shinning but never falling, they say whatever you wish from that shooting star it will come true. I once wished upon a star that never fell to pick it up and erase my scar but it's too far to reach it. One world many stars and thousands of fate. The stars light up and glow like light bulb, some take upon a shape. If one day I see a star what can I wish for there are many things a person who want in life they can't wish for everything from a single shooting star. But they still make a wish, if I had to wish I don't know what my wish would be.many people believe in superstitious believes I do too what I believe is eclipse and a shooting star together wouldn't it be amazing to wish upon that. Stars are everywhere they only glow in the night time like sprinklers on a cake. They are stars after all.

 when will this end, I'm trying everything I could but it's not enough. I'm trying not to complain but I end somehow confessing. I'm following people understanding their way of life and adding in mine but I don't think it's enough to discribe me. Things git set up for me and was labeled as privilege when I didn't even ask about it. I tried to be a person to be looked upon but somehow it never happened. I tried my best by not showing how vulnerable I'm inside but it overflows with tears at night. I tell myself I can do it more then hundred times yet I get scared.is it so hard to understand the feeling of yourself. Every decision I make feels wrong every path feels like it's full of Thorns. All I wanted was someone to understand me is it so hard to do that. I try to open myself up to talk but I'm scared of the outcome I get. Why am I like this, what led me to be this, for how long am I going to be like this. I smile, I laugh, like everyone else. I ...

Always thought being alone is good, yeah it is but sometimes you feel like wouldn't it be better to have someone walk with you. They said a soulmate takes time, I know but for how long. They said there's someone special waiting for you, yeah but where and for how long. They said love is this and that, but for me I thought I had my first love but it wasn't so tell me what real love is. They said always be patient yeah I was but for how long. I've been telling myself that there's always someone who's watching me when I'm not looking but when I look back there is no one. They said music heals your soul, it did but at some point the soul will become immune to music. They said laugh a little it will be alright, I did but the tears fell of my eyes and the lips got tired. They said share it with someone, I did but at some point I don't even know what to tell anymore. They said there's always hope, I feel like even if there is hope it's getting less bit ...

I'll drink away my pain and sorrow, under the peace blossom. Remembering how you stabbed me when I let my guard down, I followed you blindly and you took advantage of my love and slapped me in the face with your betrayal. The one who loved me warned about you saying don't get too far where there's no road of return, I told him as long as I make my road I won't be lost. There's a poem that says love those who loves you and hate those who tries to devour you. The sweetness in my wine makes me forget my own self, tipsy as I'm yet nothing heals a broken heart. Join me on oh my long gone beloved we shall drink till it's dawn. Eyes are nothing more then a river and it fills my cup but not my heart. Petals fall as the wind blew singing the once heart that heard your sorrow. Come again you shall not find the one they loved come again when the peace blooms. I filled my cup once again singing the song of the lost lovers. The rivers are flowing yet I'm still here u...